GUEST POST: A Word From A Maiden; Look Beyond The Wedding Grandeur!

In the name of Allah the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

It's the night of Rabi'ul thaniy the 29th and Sunday, the 2nd of March of the years 1435 and 2014.

I write with hope that I pass across a message with Allah's permission and guidance; to draw the attention of (we) youths, to a problem many seem to be facing in their marital homes. For one unmarried such as myself, It takes a good deal of courage to talk or write about such an issue.

Firstly, just thinking of the alarming increasing divorce rates makes me almost gamophobic. Certainly there are many successful, happy marriages as there are unsuccessful, traumatic ones. I cannot help but find myself in awe, every time I remember the strength and solidity of our parent's marriages over a long duration of time. They too have undoubtedly faced challenges and bad times, but still strived to hold their marriages together. Have we ever stopped to wonder what has really kept them together?

I have come across many (forgive my choice of word) pathetic stories of numerous young married couples, which often leave me devastated. Marriages that last for only a third the time of the courtship, or tales of husbands who 'love' their wives yet beat them mercilessly over the most insignificant things. Stories like these are as disheartening as they are real.The major problems (in my opinion) are from within us and should be tackled by none other than ourselves. Even though I have never been married, which makes me seemingly not in the best position to talk about this, I believe I have had encounters with married couples (and to be sincere, a lot of this has to do with common sense anyway). So I believe I could give one or two advices from the little I've observed.

The most sensitive of all issues, is our lack of honesty or better yet, our ''fake-ness''. This is something that has affected a lot of young marriages. It begins from the early stage of courtship where both the two lovers do not present themselves as who they really are. What do you think would be the fate of a marriage built on lies and deceit, even if subconsciously unintended?

We forget that marriage is a contract; 'till death do us part'. If you hide your 'true colour' during the courtship, it is rather impossible to hide it from someone you will live with for the rest of your life. Frankly speaking, when I see cute unmarried couples these days and feel elated, the next thought that pops to my mind is; 'wait till you see them married'. Some lovers when courting seem like they would never be involved in any dispute between themselves. But seeing them married paints a totally different picture.

Secondly, this is something that more or less has to do with religion. It is how we relate as unmarried couples. Often, we cross our boundaries in the name of 'dating'. We exhibit certain acts even though we know that they are religiously and culturally frowned upon. Most times when people behave immorally as unmarried couples and yet feel comfortable with it, I begin to feel that we have really, sadly gotten to a point where our minds don't register the wrong we do as "wrong". I really do not expect a man to have any respect whatsoever for a woman who chooses to be morally deficient, especially so openly and without remorse. And what many women are yet to understand fully is that every man, no matter how indecent he tends to be, wants a decent woman as the mother of his children.

Marriage is prone to having compromises, you should know what your spouse likes beyond his/her favourite colour. It is imperative that you sit down and discuss very crucial matters like whether or not the wife would work, how many kids you would like to have and when, and even some apparently trivial ones like who gets to take out the trash. We often take conversations like these for granted because we believe we love each other so much we tend to forget that these factors can and could hinder the successes of our marriages.

Lastly, the average today's youth knows very little about the actual concept of marriage, or has some sort of delusional and superficial idea of what marriage really is. Some of us think marriage is all about having romantic candle lit dinners, cuddling and whatnot. Yes, these are constituents of marriage as well, but any and every sane person should know that, that is not all marriage is about. Marriage is way beyond that. Some think of superfluous wedding ceremonies the moment marriage is mentioned, forgetting that marriage is ideally for a life time. Here's a scenario: What about the moments when your spouse disagrees with you on something? Or those times you would get angry at your spouse over the silliest of things like using the toothpaste from the middle of the tube or not closing the toilet seat lid. To situations where your spouse does not notice a kind gesture you tried to exhibit or things like that. What happens then? Would you just up and say I do not want to be in this marriage any longer? We need to remember that marriage entails all that and much more than you can even begin to imagine!

Even though Islam has set out a map for us in guiding us on how to live with our spouses, we'll surely come across bad times which is in fact very natural. I am sure there are so many other moments in marriages which I am certain I do not even know about since I am not married yet. But I'll always agree with the Hausa saying ''Ba auren ba, zaman auren'' (which literally means; Its not getting into marriage, it is surviving the marriage). One needs to be fit for marriage not just in terms of age but thought (thinking) as well. Marriage is far from what is depicted in romantic movies. If you would agree with me, no marriage is perfect. What makes it perfect in a sense, is the ability to endure.

I really hope this piece helps us in curbing and preventing disastrous marriages. We should also remember that Allah says in the Qur'an "Women impure are for men impure and men impure are for women impure and women of purity are for men of purity and men of purity are for women of purity; such are innocent of that which people say: for them is pardon and a bountiful provision." -(Surah An Nur 24:26).

May Allah make us among the men and women of purity.

May He grant us the ability to stay truthful and honest in our marriages, and may He grant us the Sabr (patience) to face the hardships that will come our way.

May He grant us loving and caring spouses as well as blissful marriages, and may He also make us loving and caring to our spouses.

Ameen.

BEFORE YOU COMMIT A SIN..

In the name Of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

Salaam..
Below is a story I read about and thought it right and a must to share. Makes you ponder about the sins you've committed and the ones you intend to commit.

A man came to Ibrahim Ibn Adham (RA) and told him, O Abu Ishaq I need your help, I cannot stop disobeying Allah! Every time I make up my mind, I say I am not going to do it, I tell myself be straight and consistent, Fix yourself and then I slip, so advice me. Ibn Adham told him “if you are able to disobey Allah then at least do not do it on His Earth”, the man said where can I go when Allah owns all things? He told him “Amaa Tastahay”- aren't you ashamed?”
'Qala Zidni'- he said give me more..

Ibn Adham said “if you are still able to disobey Him after that fact, then at least do not do it while eating from His Provisions”. He said; and how can that be? When there is not a bird that flies with wings or any animal that roams the earth or any individual except that Allah is 'Ar-Razaq'; The Provider for that creature. He said “aren't you embarrassed? Living on His Earth, eating from His provisions, and you are still able to disobey Him?” He said Give me more..

Ibn Adham said “if you are still able to disobey Him after that, then at least do it where He cannot see you”. He said how can that be? When there is nothing in the Heavens and the Earth that Allah does not see? He told him “Amaa Tastahay”- aren’t you ashamed? Living on His Earth, eating from what He provides, can not hide from Him for the blink of an eye and you are still able to disobey Him?” He said give me more..

Ibn Adham said to him “if you are still able to disobey Allah, then when the angel of death comes to take your soul, say I will not go”. He said how can that be when they only take permission from the prophets, and the Prophethood has been sealed centuries ago! He told him “Amaa Tastahay?”- aren't you embarrassed? Living on His Earth, eating from His 'Rizq' (provisions), cannot hide from Him for an instant, cannot delay death for a moment and you are still able to disobey Him? He said give me more..

Ibn Adham told him “and if you are still able to disobey Him after all that, then when the Angels of the Hell-fire(Jahannam) come to drag you there, fight them off and take yourself to Jannah (Paradise)”. He said how can that be when Allah calls them 'Ghilaadun Shidaad' (fierce, powerful). He said “Amaa Tastahay”?- are you not ashamed? Living on His Earth, Eating from His Provisions, cannot hide from Him for a second, cannot delay death for a moment, and you are no match for the Angels of the Hell-fire, you are still able to disobey Him! So how can you hope to be saved?”
The man said “Qalas-Taghfirullah Wa Atoobu Ilaih”- I seek Forgiveness in Allah and I declare my repentance to Him!

Such an amazing story..
May Allah (SWT) grant us the ability to Repent with utmost Sincerity and Humility to Him, and may He guide us all to the right path, Ameen. May He Shower us with His Mercies and Blessings and May He open the doors of Forgiveness to us. Ameen Ya Arhamar-Raahimeen.

Music: permissible or not?


Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu.
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
Today music has become so prevalent that many Muslims listen to it without questioning its position in Islam. Few people ask about the position of music in Islam. Is it halal or haram? If faith is nurtured in the heart of a Muslim, he or she will not have doubts regarding such issues. The fact that majority of people listen to music is not a justification to make music permissible.
Adolescence is a time of great stress, when the limbic system (the region of the brain which regulates our emotions) is already activated due to high levels of sex hormones. At this time, music and drugs both of which also act on the limbic system, may cause overstimulation. This is a point where teenagers are at a turning point in determining the future direction of their lives. This is also the point where teenagers listen to a lot of music about life, sex, drugs, etc which can have an effect on the decisions they make.
Contemporary music gives people an insight to the thoughts of the musician and this brings about some kind of connection between the listener and the musician. This is why people these days prefer to listen to a song about something than to actually learn about it. Adolescents give more credence to the opinion of musicians about life than that of their parents. An example is the issue of dating. Our parents tell us to be careful about intermingling with the opposite sex but we do it anyway, because our favourite musician says it’s okay.
Music has many effects on our minds and bodies. It affects our emotions. According to a research, listening to music causes more physical arousal than a novel or a beautiful picture. Music acts like an intoxicant because it affects our limbic system in the same way any drug would. This is the reason behind addiction to music as we have it today.
Today we find that zina (adultery) has become the order of the day. I can say without a doubt that music contributes drastically to this moral decadence. Abdurrahman Ibn al-Jawzi wrote: there are two harms added together in singing (music). On one hand, it diverts the heart from the remembrance of Allah: on the other hand, it persuades the heart towards material pleasures… therefore singing persuades the person towards adultery and fornication. There is a deep connection between music and fornication. Music is a temptation for the soul whereas fornication is the biggest pleasure of the body. Music which speaks to the youth about sex, violence, and suicide is very much prevalent in our society today. A great scholar in Islam Al Fudayl Ibn Iyad once said: “music is a prelude to adultery and fornication.” Music blurs the critical judgement abilities of the brain. This is why we find it easy to “move our bodies” the way a musician says we should.
Many scholars of Islam believe that music is haram. The Prophet (pbuh) in a hadith in Sahih Bukhari linked music to zina and alcohol. Dear brothers and sisters, we need to and we should try as hard as we can to stay away from music and focus more on becoming better Muslims. As long as we don’t get music out of our systems, we are leaving room for shaytaan to use his weapons of destruction against us. Many of us listen to music just to kill time, or for entertainment not knowing that what we do can have an adverse effect on our thoughts and subsequently our actions.
Another thing! The music videos we watch depict men as sexually insatiable and women as sexual objects. I consider this somewhat degrading to a Muslim. We all know that a Muslim is a servant of Allah and a true servant of Allah has a status beyond that of a mere sex object or a beast. We need to reflect on the effects music has on our lives and the changes we need to make. With the prevalence of music today, the wheel of jahiliyyah has come in full circle, bringing us face to face with the same ancient paganism. Music preaches to us all the things that Islam has made impermissible 1400 years ago. Music preaches gambling, drinking, sex, nudity, etc. All those things Allah has commanded us not to partake in as Muslims.
Do not call me a Buzz kill however, because there are times when some kind of music is permissible. On the occasions of eid and marriage, we have been allowed the singing and the round hand drum (duff). Sadly, Shaytaan has lured us into believing that all kinds of music are allowed for such occasions. That is why we have wedding ceremonies with men, and women and music altogether. Islam, the Prophet's (pbuh) Sunnah, and the laws placed upon us as muslims aren't in anyway placed upon us to depict any form of discomfort. When you do your research, I.e search through the Qur'an, Wallahi you would realise that there is wisdom behind EVERYTHING. And Allah is indeed the Greatest.
I leave you with one question which was asked by Imam Qasim. When Allah is going to separate the right from wrong on the day of judgement where is He going to put music and singing?
May Allah guide us all. Ameen.

A very dear friend helped a lot with this particular topic. May Allah reward her abundantly.

Haya [SHYNESS]

    Haya is an arabic word that was extracted from the word 'Hayat' which means Life. It may be translated as Modesty, humility or Shyness. Haya is an attribute which pushes a believer to avoid any sort of thing that is disregarded & detestable in Islam. It protects the believer from Neglect & Indifference. It helps one to avoid the Displeasure of Allah Ta'ala.

    Haya plays an important role in our Lives as muslims. It is a very important aspect of our Imaan(Faith). If we lack it, then assuredly, our Imaan is indeed in the weakest of Forms. This is Supported by the following Hadiths; The Prophet (SAWS) said: “ Faith(Imaan) consists of more than 60 branches. And Haya is part of Faith”. Another states that; The prophet(pbuh) said: “ Haya(Shyness) & Imaan(Faith) are two that go together. If one is Lifted, the other is Also lifted”.

     So, now that we are a bit enlightened on what Haya is, we should know that there are 2 types of Haya. Just like there are 2 sides of a coin. We have the good(positive) Haya & the Bad(negative) Haya. The good Haya is the type which makes you feel ashamed to commit a sin or a thing which Allah(SWT) and His Messenger(SAWS) have Forbidden. If you have this type of Haya, then you may carry on, you are on the right path In Shaa Allah.
The bad Haya is that which makes you Feel ashamed to do a thing which Allah(SWT) and His Messenger(SAWS) ordered us to do.
#SubhanAllah! May Allah grant us Forgiveness.

    Prophet Mohammad(SAWS) taught Us the importance of Haya. The believing man/woman ought to be ashamed of themselves if they possess it not. For Haya is not meant to be adopted only by the women.. It is an attribute every believing muslim Including the Man, must acquire! The Prophet(pbuh) states in another hadith; “If you have lost Haya, then you may do as you please”.
May Allah protect us from going after our whims & Desires.. Ameen.

     In the Society we live in today, Shyness, Humility, chastity & Modesty are regarded as traits of a weak person. They say it is Lack of confidence. But little do they Know.. These are the qualities you find rarely in A person. I personally believe, a person who acquires & adopts them all is one who is conscious of his/her actions in regards to This life and The Aakhirah.

     Haya is the basic Foundation of Islamic morality. When it is Lost, then certainly, everything is Lost. My dear Muslim sister, Pray to your Lord! Ask Him to guide you to the Right path! Pray & Prostrate to Allah; The Exalted in Might! Ask your Lord to make a place for you with the Believing women. In Shaa Allah.
But.. The Question is..
Who is the Believing woman?? And who is The disbelieving Woman?? We all gotta wonder..
We all gotta ask ourselves..

     The Believing woman is she who gives charity, fasts, prays QIYAM AL-LAYL (night prayers), observes HIJAB, Obeys her husband, Fears her Lord, is Kind to her neighbours and is Compassionate towards her Children.
Masha Allah, may Allah make us of the Believing women.

     And the Disbelieving woman on the other side of the Line, is she who makes a wanton Display of herself & let's down her guard. She is ignorant and Foolish, a mere Cheap, worthless & valueless product (of ridicule). She has no dignity, neither does she have self-respect, she has no value or honour for her religion.
#Subhanallah.. Astaghfirullah!

    So if that is the case, as we have it here.. Why don't we compare the 2 situations and then weigh?!....
.......Exactly!
My sister Wake up! And Choose wisely!
Allah is Al-Ghaffar (He who is all forgiving).
Allah is Al-Mumin (He who entertains Faith, The One who gives Faith to others).
Pray to Allah.. And Allah will Listen to you..
If Allah wills!

#Allahu Akbar!!
May Allah grant us Peace & Tranquillity!

Premarital Relationships in Islam

 PREMARITAL RELATIONSHIPS IN ISLAM

Bismillah..

Salaam..

When we talk about Pre-marital relationships, what comes to mind to most people is the idea of 'Dating'. Dating, as we call it, is the most common thing practiced amongst us today. It happens Everywhere.. From the mature ones to the immature ones. It is So bad that even the youngest of People do it. Children, Teenagers, The adults. This is all due to the excessive exposure we get, and are getting.

You see, some of us have good intentions at heart regarding these sorts of relationships. Atleast there is hope, want and perhaps a plan for something serious & productive, like Nikaah(Marriage) which is excellent! Because Marriage is Ibadah, Marriage is important, marriage is rated Highly in Islam. The Prophet (Peace and Blessings of Allah(SWT) be with him and his family) once Said; "Whoever marries, protects half of his Deen(religion), then for the remaining half he must only fear Allah!" (Allahu Akbar).

  

   But you see, the thing is, not all of us have decent intentions when it Comes to this and everything else. They say "We do it for the fun of it", some say "We are Friends with Benefits", others Say "No strings Attached", and here, the great Life motto comes in; YOLO! (you only live once). Ofcourse you do, obviously, but sadly and unfortunately we use this term to Negative and Disastrous uses. #Subhanallah..

Please. Tell me What it is you Think you are Doing! Where is The fun?? Show me The Benefits!!!

#Astaghfirullah. May we all be among the righteous ones, ameen.

I do not Need to be explicit about this, we all know exactly how bad the situation is today in our Society. However, I shouldn't get carried away &jump into a Different topic, but IN SHAA ALLAH, this particular issue shall be addressed in the nearest future.

  Now when we say Dating is, rather disallowed in Islam, we tend to come up with excuses! One way or the other. What we often say is 'we are only trying to get to know them better, some of us even go to the point of saying "if we do not hang out, or spend time with one another how are we expected to know the type of man or woman it is we are Courting, or Marrying". Do not get me wrong, this all makes sense, intellectually! Maybe a bit rationally too in some cases, depending on the person in question! Or whichever way BUT Islamically! BUT ISLAMICALLY!! This is because the concept of dating as we have it today involves a male and a female being together, alone, in an excluded place mostly. Islam has made it clear to us that where a male and a female are alone together, the third party is Shaytaan. And Truly we are Humans, and No human is Free from Vice. No matter how hard we try to keep away or stay away from Shaytaan, he always finds A way of getting to Us. Be Rest Assured dating is one of The ways shaytaan uses to push us to disobey Allah. This is without Doubt! What if death snatches us while we're so busy 'dating' and 'Having Fun'? We all Know death is inevitable and it Gives us no Notice.

So my dear muslim Brothers & Sisters.. if your religion, Islam, disapproves of it, I assure you, you stand in No place to argue. It's Like you are trying to Justify the Laws and Commandments of Allah(SWT). #Subhanallah.. May Allah grant us Forgiveness!

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.. WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR DIGNITY?

The way you dress says a lot about you, your personality, where you come from, your kind of family training, background, who you are and who you want to be in the society. Your appearance is a sign of what you have at heart. Believe it or not wearing thin and inappropriate clothing which almost reaches to nakedness is undoubtedly Unlawful Islamically. That is a fact!

Dressing in an Islamic way may attract few remarks but it attracts a great deal of respect, that is, for the sane and knowledgeable ones amongst us. It is compulsory, it is sunnah! We must do it! But we do not do it.. we forget about sunnah!


In Islamic dressing, explicitly saying, our main objective is to cover our (Private parts). For the boy or the guy or the man, it is his (private part), but for you Muslim sister, WALLAHI It is the entire body except for the palms. As long as he does that he is safe, he has got nothing to lose! But you my sister, you have lost it all!

Your body is a gift from Allah (SWT).. why ridicule it? People look at you,sometimes even stare! at you! and you blush, you feel happy, you are hot! Yes you should! You are a walking treasure! Antique! Oh my dear I hate to break it to you but all valuable things are kept hidden.. they are protected against dirt! So if you feel that way about yourself, then i must urge you to Protect yourself.. protect your body.. it is your treasure! Protect your dignity!

When we talk about dignity, the first thing that comes to my mind is respect and self-respect. Respect as we all know is an important factor, religiously, culturally or which ever way one can think of. We were all brought up to respect our elders, known ones and strangers. Islamically, 'respecting each other' is a very strong notion that Muslims act quite strictly upon. 

Now when we bring up self-respect, it is a completely different issue. Dress modestly, seek Islamic knowledge unconditionally, protect yourself against the dirt and impurities of this dunya(world). And last but not least.. Respect yourself my sister for that would compel others to respect you!

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE NAKED TO BE BEAUTIFUL

We are often so ignorant about the very important Islamic sayings, which we consider so little, unimportant and belittling. Those little things we do or do not do are the little things that would drag us to our doom. And those little things we could or could not do could be our guide to salvation.

It is now a very common thing for Muslim girls/women to go out of their respective homes without covering their bodies. We wear such skimpy clothing all in the name of looking hot. The baffling part is most girls/women know the implications and consequences, but they choose to be ignorant about it, plus they do not do that to please themselves but to actually please others. What is the gain???

They say you should only wear big veils or hijaab or anything that covers your body (the 'aura') when and if you are married. It is actually, sadly a mocking thing for the young & unmarried whom practice the sayings revealed to Us by The Holy Books.. So basically according to people of this generation and the previous, or rather people living in this 21^st century, in a world where Islam is practised, Only married women should cover their bodies. And indirectly saying, it is only natural for unmarried ladies to go out without doing so. Talking about the body, nowadays we do not even cover something as little as our hair. They say its stylish.. oh its chic.. oh its the suburban babe!! Why let people tell you what to do?? Why let them guide you to the wrong path when the truth is so visible to you???

To be continued...... Insha Allah!